Just helping out Hillary

Republicans Launch Effort to Rescue Clinton Candidacy
by Scott Ott for ScrappleFace · 10 Comments

(2008-01-07) — With the latest polls showing Democrat Sen. Barack Obama with a commanding lead in New Hampshire just hours before the state’s presidential primary, the Republican National Committee (RNC) today launched an effort to salvage the candidacy of presumed senator-for-life Hillary Clinton.

Sen. Clinton doesn’t need money, so the RNC announced a three-pronged strategy to help her:

1) Packing Clinton campaign events with enthusiastic crowds of cheering Republicans, “wearing silly hats and hemp-based fashions to conceal their identity”

2) Urging conservative independents to vote for Sen. Clinton on Tuesday, and providing grief counselors and paramedical care at poll exits for those who comply

3) Luring former President Bill Clinton into campaigning for Sen. Obama instead, by offering him $10 million and a “hip posse of Hollywood A-listers”

“There’s no difference in ideology or policies between Clinton and Obama,” said an unnamed RNC source, “But the last thing we want to face in November is a hopeful, inspiring, genuinely-likable adversary with no major ethical baggage. That’s just un-Democratic. We don’t really have a viable strategy for that, since we’ve never had to run against such a person.”